so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
