Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
