Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
