Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
