Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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