I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
