im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
