he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
