In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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