Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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