Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
did i walk over a car last night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
