I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
