I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
