in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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