I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
