You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
