I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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