Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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