our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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