Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
