Whatcha textin bout Willis?
false alarm. still invincible.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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