No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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