Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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