i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
