bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize