You're earring is so big in my mouth
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
