He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
