Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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