My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
