Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
