Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
