The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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