i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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