i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
