you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
sex in a hospital.. check
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
