nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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