JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
