My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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