theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
