smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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