We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
