pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
