I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
