It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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