considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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