I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
