If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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