that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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