boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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