Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
