You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
