He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
