I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
