We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
