I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize