I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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