sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
