I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
