This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
