Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
