I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
