Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
