we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
