But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
