Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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