found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
