I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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