Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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