you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
