we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
