The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
