i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
