A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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