Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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