so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
