I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
