Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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