i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
