Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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