Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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