matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize