have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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