It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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