drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
